WYLS
by karma1
Summary: Wufei has lost his script. That's ok, though, 'cause he can depend on the rest of the crew to help him through, right?! See the cast of GW take advantage of poor Wufei's loss. Warning: YAOI and het implications.
1. WYLS Where're the Cue Cards!

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. INCLUDING Yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Part 1: Where're the Cue Cards?!  
  
Wufei was stunned. He just couldn't believe it. He'd LOST. How could he lose? Wait a minute. Reaching into hammerspace, he rummaged around until he felt his hands brush against a booklet.  
  
"Aha!" He pulled out the script, and began thumbing through. Finally, his gaze settled on the recently spoken dialogue. He skimmed through it quickly, searching for the end. What he read did not please the Chinese boy.  
  
"Shit! I really was supposed to lose!" In his anger, he flung the script over his shoulder instead of depositing it back into the relative safety of his dimensional pocket. Treize had watched the Gundam pilot in silence, a smirk planted firmly on his face. When the boy threw his script away, however, the smirk developed into something a bit more feral. Lazily slicing his sword through the air by his side, he approached Wufei. "Well, now, Dragon. I do believe this is where I deny ending your life, but take another prize, instead."  
  
Wufei did not appreciate the tone of Treize's voice. Nor did he care for the "X-Ray Vision" mode of the Oz Leader's eyes. His script. He needed his script. If this was really in it, he'd shove the damned thing up his agent's ... well. He turned. And stared. He was facing an open window. An open window on the third floor. An open window on the third floor with some very uninviting rocks and rose bushes below. Damn.  
  
"Lose something, Dragon?" Treize's voice was low and seductive. And right in his left ear. It didn't take long for Wufei to realize he was in a very bad position.  
  
"Well, eh, hmm. I seemed to have ..."  
  
"Oh, don't worry, my dear colleague. You can borrow _mine_." The Chinese boy stiffened. He had the sneaking suspicion that the General was not talking about scripts. He slowly began to turn.  
  
"Borrow your wha...ch...oh!" Treize was innocently holding up a booklet. It was almost identical to the one he'd, moments before, tossed out the window. Almost, but not quite. He was sure his didn't have the words "With Revisions by T.K." embossed at the bottom.  
  
"Come, now, Dragon." Treize tossed the booklet on the nearby bed. "Let us get comfortable and review the scenes." Wufei gulped as he watched his enemy saunter towards the bed. The Oz General slowly sat on the edge, then reclined just a bit. He used his sword to beckon the young pilot to him.  
  
Wufei silently cursed. He might have a chance of remembering how this scene played out if he could get to the script. Sure, it was most definitely altered, but there just might be something similar enough to jog his memory. But, getting to the script meant going to Treize. And Treize did _not_ seem to be in a reading mood. Damn, but this really sucked justice.  
  
*******  
  
That's part 1. Umm..I have no prereaders, so I really appreciate people pointing out any typos, etc.  
  
Why WYLS? Well, you don't find that out until the end... 


	2. WYLS And a Mexican Sushi Chef

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including Yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Part 2: And a Mexican Sushi Chef (1)  
  
Wufei sighed as he limped into the safe house. His arms, neck, and one cheek were adorned with scratches. And, for what? He still didn't have his script. Still didn't know how that scene was really supposed to end. His thoughts were interrupted by a hyper voice and pounding feet.  
  
"Heeeeroooo! Is that you?" Duo slid around the corner and halfway through the foyer, finally stopping inches from the Chinese pilot. Socks and hardwood are great fun. "Oh, Wu-man, it's you."  
  
"Oh, Maxwell, it's you." Wufei mocked. The eccentric American could _try_ to keep the disappointment from his voice, couldn't he?  
  
"Oh, well, hey! As long as you're here!" Duo grabbed his fellow pilot by the wrist and pulled him through the house at break neck speeds, jabbering on as he made his way to the bedroom he shared with Heero. "I really need some help. I'm so nervous! I mean, I don't want it to go wrong, ya know? He's the perfect soldier, it has to be perfect, ya see? There, stand there." He pushed the Chinese boy into position, standing beside Heero's desk.  
  
"Maxwell, what is the meaning of this?"  
  
"Just rehearsing! Now, just act like my Hee-chan, k?" Duo batted his lashes, and tossed his braid.  
  
Wufei rolled his eyes, then held up his hand, pointer extended towards the pilot of 02, thumb pointing up. "I'll kill you."  
  
"Wuuuuu-man! Like Heero, I said!"  
  
"Isn't that like him?"  
  
Duo stamped his foot. "Language!"  
  
Wufei snorted. "I don't speak Japanese, Maxwell."(*)  
  
Duo blinked. "You don't?"  
  
"No. I'm _Chinese_."  
  
"But, well..."  
  
"But nothing. I'm Chinese. He's Japanese."  
  
"But you look..."  
  
"Chinese!" Wufei was a bit upset. Just a bit.  
  
"Well, k, whatever! Sheesh. Let's just get on with it!" Duo pulled out a booklet. Almost like the one that the _Chinese_ pilot had lost in those damn rose bushes. Almost. This one however, had the word "Shinigami's" embossed above the title.  
  
"Maxwell...what is that?"  
  
"My script, of course! I have this scene with Heero coming up, and I have to rehearse! It has to be perfect!" He thumbed through his script, scanning bits of what Wufei supposed was the scene he spoke of. Then the script was closed, and tossed aside. As Duo began to take his priest like garb off, Wufei became a bit unsettled.  
  
"Maxwell...just what kind of scene is this?"  
  
"A romantic one! Isn't that great? Though, there really isn't that much romance in it. But, it's Heero, so I guess that's why. I mean..."  
  
"JUSTICE!"  
  
"Whaaat?"  
  
"There is none! I suggest you find another way to rehearse this scene, unless you wish to be the author formally known as Shinigami!"  
  
"Wu-man! There's no other way. I mean, I have to have someone, right? I don't want to mess it up with Heero, so I have to practice, and no one else is here, and besides, Q-man's saving himself for that scene with Trowa, and Trowa, well he's just too tall, wouldn't really be the same, ya know? Besides, you and Heero are both..."  
  
"Chinese! I'm Chinese!"  
  
"Asian! So, it'll work. Now, just act like Heero, k?" By this time, Duo was dressed in nothing but black boxers. He quickly undid his braid, and spread his hair across his shoulders and back. "Now, I'm supposed to be wet, 'cause I just took a shower, but we'll skip that part for now. Ready?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Wuuuuu-man!"  
  
"I said no, Maxwell! I mean it!"  
  
"Just play along! Now...Heero is supposed to be walking to his desk, but then I walk out of the bathroom and he stops. Probably 'cause he ain't ever seen something so sexy as me, right?" Duo posed a bit at this point. "K. Now, there's some tension in the air, and then we just kiss out of the blue, and then things go from there. Now, start!" Duo stared at Wufei, eyes filling with lust.  
  
Wufei felt his fists clench moments before Duo grabbed his wrists and pulled him forward into an embrace. As the American's mouth closed over his own, he had one thought. He really, really needed a new agent.  
  
********  
  
1 - the title for this part (And a Mexican Sushi Chef) is a joke... of course. My mom frequents this little Sushi place in downtown Nashville, and talks to the chef a lot. Well, one time their conversation went into the nationalities of Sushi chefs in the area. The chef (who is Japanese) said that he trained many people in the area. He asked her if she thought they were Japanese. She said she thought most of the ones she'd seen were Vietnamese or Korean. He said that many were, but he'd actually recently trained a Mexican. He then said that most Americans don't realize this. It's true, too. Many Americans cannot tell the difference between Asians. Or other nationalities, for that matter. I mean, I work with quite a few Mexicans, and had to stop a fellow employee when he started speaking Spanish to the new girl (who is from Egypt -- it was quite funny to watch her stare at him while he asked her to cook "mas pescado, por favor"). This is not to offend anyone, just to poke fun at Americans (and I are one! though hopefully not that blind! ^_^)br br  
  
(*Special A/N: I know, they all speak Japanese in the original, but this falls under "author doing origami", so lump it. ;) )  
  
Again, if you catch typos or the like, or just want to tell me what you think...drop me a review or e-mail. 


	3. WYLS A Chinese Scholar in Queen Relena's...

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including Yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
  
  
Part 3: A Chinese Scholar in Queen Relena's Court  
  
Wufei tugged at the collar of his dress shirt and scowled. He did not like the costume they'd forced him to wear for this scene. White dress shirt, white slacks and a black cummerbund. Sure, the white was great, but the clothes were just too constricting. How was he supposed to fight in this get-up?  
  
Speaking of fighting, this get-up, and the scene in general - just what the hell was going on? He sighed. Stupid windows. His train of thought jumped the tracks, then tried to hide behind a nearby potted plant when he heard the voice.  
  
"Heeeeeroooooo!" Shiver, squirm, sweat. Flashback. Cringe. Dammit! Well, it wasn't Maxwell. Maxwell's voice was a bit girlish, but not that girlish. And Maxwell most definitely did not wear pink. She was. Wearing pink, that is. Lots of it. Wufei began to wonder if she designed her own uniform, or if the costume designer just felt the need to assure everyone that this girl was most decidedly a girl. And speaking of the girlish girl, she was now standing in front of him, and looking for the world like she was waiting for something. Wufei's sensibilities gave him a quick kick in the rear section of his brain.  
  
"Ah. I, as you can see, am not Heero. My name is Wufei."  
  
"Oh, I know. And I know you know that I know. And I know you know who I am." Relena giggled. "So, that's over with. Have you seen Heero?"  
  
"Not since..hm..well, breakfast. Two days ago."  
  
"Oh. Well, shucks!" Wufei blinked. Such an outburst. "It's just that I wanted to see how he would look in a Sank uniform." Relena waved a garment bag around, then stopped, eyed Wufei, the garment bag, and Wufei again.  
  
Wufei didn't like the eyeing. Nope. It was saying, "Well, height is correct, but the weight might be a bit more, still..."  
  
"Absolutely not!" Bark, bark.  
  
"Pardon me?" Relena was good at looking innocent.  
  
"I will not be a stand in for Yuy! Not again!"  
  
"Again? Oh, I suppose if he's been missing for a few days, you've had to help out with rehearsing and planning his scenes. Am I right?"  
  
"Somewhat. And, may I say, pink is not my color." Relena laughed at this remark, causing Wufei to blink some more.  
  
"Silly Wufei! Pink is for girls!" (author shoots herself)  
  
"I suppose it is..." He really didn't know what was going on. Stupid rosebushes.  
  
"Of course. And blue," she waved the garment bag to stress her meaning, "is for boys!"  
  
"Ah."  
  
"And yellow is for canaries, and orange is for oranges!" Relena bubbled on.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. But, back to the blue. Do be a gentleman." Relena held out the garment bag.  
  
"Woman, you would find it best to wait until Yuy is available. I refuse to do his dirty work. Why everyone has decided that I would make the perfect stand-in...," Wufei shook his head and mumbled, "just because we're both _Asian_."  
  
It was Relena's turn to blink. "But you're Chinese, and he's Japanese." This, seemingly innocent comment, caused Wufei, ever the intellectual, to stare, slack jawed, at the supposedly naive Queen. Who'd a thunk that _she_, of all people, would notice something that Maxwell couldn't seem to grasp?  
  
Relena took advantage of Wufei's state of mind. That is, she shoved the garment bag into his hands, escorted him to a conveniently close room, pushed him in, and firmly shut the door. What was a guy to do? He could hope that the uniform offered more room to fight in than his current get-up. Then again, the only way to realize, or not, that hope was to try said uniform on. So, he did.  
  
Minutes later, Wufei was inspecting himself in the mirror. He and Yuy were the same height, but he did have a bit more weight. A little thicker here, a little thicker there. Wufei half turned. A little thicker there. He blushed.  
  
Relena, Queen of the World, spewer of pacifist ideals, and President of the underground G.A.P. society (no, not the clothing store - Girls Against Pink), was growing impatient. She jiggled the door knob. Locked. Easily solved, but that wouldn't be polite, now would it?  
  
"Wufei, I do have a key." Said in sticky sweet manor, it almost didn't sound like a threat. Two moments (yes, moments) later, the door opened, and a very unhappy Wufei appeared. He stepped into the hall, shut the door behind him, then leaned back against it. Not a very brave thing to do, but he was sure that there were things in this world that even Yuy couldn't be brave about. Somewhere.  
  
Relena clapped her hands together and giggled. "Oh, it looks great!" She tilted her head to one side, then the other, then grabbed her unsuspecting victim by the wrist, and hauled him into the center of the hallway.  
  
"Woman..." Wufei trailed. She was already behind him.  
  
"Oh, it's great!" the girl gushed, "it will be perfect on him, don't you think?" She brushed at the shoulders of the uniform. "The blue will bring out his eyes, yes?" She lowered her hands to tug at the sides of the waist length jacket. Unfortunately for Wufei, where Relena's hands went, her eyes soon followed. "It's such a nice cut for him, don't you..." Her eyes had reached just below the line of the jacket. "Oh..._very_ nice b...cut." At least she was paying a bit of attention to her words.  
  
Wufei, by this time, was looking more like a tomato than a Gundam pilot. "Woman, I refuse to be your model any longer. I'm taking this damned thing off!" He abruptly turned to face his tormentor, which meant that she wasn't ready to meet his eyes, so-to- speak.  
  
"Hmm...why, Wufei, I agree with you." Relena slowly raised her eyes. "One hundred percent." The scholar, turned warrior, turned window and rose bush hater, turned stand-in, turned stand-in model, gulped. The Queen was speaking. And not in her girly voice. Wufei's mind, which was usually a reliable source for deep thoughts and common sense, finally gave out. The pressure was just too great. It became addled and silly. It went crazy. It needed a bit of a vacation, and, much to the distress of the rest of his body, was going to take one now. It had never had one before, which is probably why he'd never had such thoughts. Like about how much paint it would take to make Nataku look like a giant ying-yang, or how many pink balloons it would take to fill Zero's cockpit or how fun it would be to go into battle singing, "Where has all the justice go-o-ooooone?". In one strikingly clear moment of thought - well, kind of - he realized that, wherever it was, it was probably not in the room Relena was pushing him into, and, if it were, it would not require that she follow, or help him undress, to find it. Really.  
  
*********** 


	4. WYLS I Heard a Bang

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including Yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
  
  
Part 4: I Heard A Bang (2)  
  
Wufei was tired. And frankly, that wasn't a good thing to be when you were trying to pilot a Gundam and all those other lovely people in their mobile suits were hell bent on making sure you didn't...or at least, not for much longer. However, he still had his kick ass reflexes, so that was what he was doing. Or, had been. There weren't any more to kick. He quickly checked his instruments, then scowled and checked visually.  
  
"Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, Zero, dead, dead, dead, ...Zero?" He looked back. That was Zero. What in the name of all that matters (justice) was Yuy doing here? Where had he come from? Wufei did not remember seeing him during the battle. Then again, he didn't remember offing that many suits, either. He made his way over to the other gundam. As he approached, he realized that Heero was standing on the open cockpit hatch, holding something, and staring straight ahead.  
  
Realization hit Wufei like Relena hit when she saw a behind...screech! Bad train, bad, bad, bad train! Anyway, realization - uh - dawned upon the Chinese pilot. He brought Nataku as close as he dared to Wing Zero, popped the hatch, released his harness, and took a flying leap. And found himself staring into stormy eyes. He looked down, and wondered if he could get that close, and still not hit, ever again. Probably not. He looked back up. He had a mission. Sort of. He didn't have to, but he just wanted to. His brain was still a bit out of sorts.  
  
"The enemy will not get Zero, Yuy."  
  
"No." Ok, that wasn't it.  
  
"You aren't going to take out an enemy base."  
  
"No." Hmm. Then what...?  
  
"So..why?"  
  
"It's stuck." Heero held out the self-destruct button. Wufei stepped closer and took the device from his fellow pilot. He carefully inspected it.  
  
"It doesn't look stuck." He noticed that Heero was pulling something else out. And that something else was a familiar looking...something.  
  
"Maxwell!"  
  
Heero looked around. "Where?"  
  
Wufei decided that beets where the thing to be. "Eh..nowhere...," must cover, must cover, "what are you doing, Yuy?"  
  
"Waiting."  
  
"Waiting? For what?"  
  
"Whom." Damn Heero and his talkative moods.  
  
"Ok, whom?" And yes, he was going to regret it.  
  
"Anyone." And with that, the Japanese pilot pounced, and Wufei's mind took a quick side trip to wonder at Yuy's ability to pounce and open things at the same time.  
  
Exactly six minutes and twenty-three seconds later - oh, and wouldn't Maxwell _love_ that - the world exploded. Not literally. If you want literal, then we'll just leave it at: Zero exploded. Oh, and Wufei's darling Nataku went with it. The two pilots were thrown quite a distance, but at least, amazingly enough, in the same direction.  
  
Heero slowly stood, then looked around. Ah, bushes. As he made his way towards cover, he muttered, "Always wanted to do that."  
  
Wufei groaned. He was having a bad week. And it was only Tuesday. He'd been pushed around, and lead around, and he'd lost his script, and ...well, other things. But, this had to be the worst. The absolute worst. He wearily raised his head and stared after the other pilot. Then, as loudly as he could manage, he spoke.  
  
"Your timing really, _really_ bites!"  
  
**********  
  
2 - I had an Eve 6 song running through my head when I thought of this chapter...can't think of the name right now, but it's "I heard a bang, and stars collided ..." 


	5. WYLS What's Up, Doc?

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
  
  
Part 5: What's Up, Doc? (A/N: Kill me now!)  
  
Wufei gasped, groaned, and cursed small red buttons as he pulled himself up the stairs of the safe house. He crawled across the porch, then used the last of his energy to bang one open palm against the front door.  
  
Luckily for him, Quatre was standing in the foyer. The blond boy opened the door and peeked outside. Seeing nothing, he began to shut the door, but heard a moan. He quickly pulled the door open again, then stepped outside - and right on top of Wufei's head.  
  
"Injustice!" Wufei managed to squeak, and then his world went black.  
  
Wufei moaned softly, and carefully turned his head. There were soft voices coming from somewhere behind him. He thought about opening his eyes to see where he was, and who was speaking, but his body really, really hurt. So, he kept his eyes closed and concentrated on listening.  
  
"...she's the only one?" Quatre asked.  
  
"Yes." A fluttering of paper sounded as Trowa responded.  
  
"Can she really help?" Quatre sounded concerned.  
  
"Hmm," Wufei thought, "they are talking about me." He didn't like that. His experiences in the past few days had his warning bells ringing. Just who was this "she" and what was "she" going to help him with? He braved the pain, opened his eyes, and sat up. He was on the couch in the living room of the safe house he had crawled to ...sometime... today, he supposed. Probably not too long ago. Quatre wouldn't have left him like that.  
  
"Wufei!" Quatre exclaimed, noticing the Chinese pilot was awake, and in an upright position. "How do you feel? You should lie down."  
  
Wufei scowled. "I'd be much better if you kept your voice down." He gave an indignant squawk as Quatre moved towards him, and gently pushed him back down. However, he really didn't have the energy to fight. So, he endured it. For now. "Who were you speaking about?"  
  
"Sally Po," Trowa said. Simple as always. He moved closer to the two boys. Quatre took the opportunity of proximity to snatch the piece of paper Trowa was holding. He turned it around, showing Wufei.  
  
"She's on the list." Wufei glanced at the paper. The words "People You Can Trust" were boldly printed across the top.  
  
"Where did you get that?"  
  
"Why, from the back of the script." Quatre pulled the paper back, glanced at it, then back at Wufei. "Haven't you read it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Ah, well. I suppose you can study it later."  
  
"Yeah, right," Wufei mumbled.  
  
"What?" The blond boy asked.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Ah well, anyway. Sally Po is on the list. It says here she has had some medical training. We thought it'd be best to call her and ask her to come check you out." Wufei shuttered involuntarily at the Arabian's choice of words. He mentally slapped himself. Surely, not everyone in this damned show was as... demented...as Kushrenada, Maxwell, the Peacecraft girl or Yuy. Four perverts was plenty, right?  
  
"Very well. If you feel you must."  
  
"Why of course. You do require medical attention, like it or not." Quatre smiled and, well, flounced off. He turned back at the door. "Trowa, make sure he stays put."  
  
"Yes." Wufei narrowed his eyes at the pilot of Heavyarms. He really didn't trust the strong, silent type.  
  
Trowa stood motionless for a moment, then moved to the doorway where Quatre had disappeared. He whispered something, probably to the blond, then turned back around. He strode towards Wufei. The injured pilot glared. Trowa was not phased. He scooped Wufei up, ignoring his comrades gasps, and began walking out of the room.  
  
"What in hell do you think you're doing?" This was not an ideal situation for one who had been through what the Chinese boy had over the past few days.  
  
"Taking you to bed." Simple. Direct. *Not* what Wufei wanted to hear.  
  
"Excuse me?!"  
  
"It will be more comfortable for you, and easier for the examination." Ah, yes. That. Wufei relaxed a bit. Just a bit. No need to let down all his defenses.  
  
Up the stairs, down a short hallway, through a door, and then he was released. The bed was, as Trowa had stated, more comfortable. However, the pilot of Heavyarms was known to be a bit succinct, so it was no surprise that the bed was a damned site more comfortable than the couch. Not that the couch was really uncomfortable. An uncomfortable couch would have no place in a Winner residence. Wufei sighed as his body relaxed into the bed. He closed his eyes for a moment, then reopened them quickly when he recalled his predicament. So, instead of giving in to lethargy, he glared at Trowa. Trowa, in return, found a seat at the desk across the room, and booted up the computer.  
  
Twenty minutes later, the glaring was still in progress. The glaree, blissfully unaware of the two holes burning in the back of his head, was practically drooling over some sinful piece of Final Fantasy 42 fan fiction. The glarer was finding it harder and harder to blink once every 90 seconds - only. A slight rap on the door caused one set of eyes to blink, and the other to widen in horror. Wufei, done blinking, turned his gaze to the partially opened door. Quatre was smiling angelically. Who'da thunk. Behind him stood Sally Po. Trowa had calmed himself enough to put his face back in order, and was scrambling to cover his tracks (no need for his obsession to come to light), all the while promising himself to go back and finish reading the juicy bits as soon as he had some... time on his hands.  
  
"The doctor is in!" Chirpity chirp chirp. Quatre moved further into the room, allowing Sally Po to enter. Wufei was finding it hard to decide whether to glare at the woman, or the bag she was holding. Who knew what torturous devices were in that bag.  
  
"Trowa, why don't we leave the doctor to her job?" Smile, halo. Trowa, who had just finished shutting down the computer, simply stood, and left the room. "We'll be waiting downstairs." That said, the pilot of Sandrock left, shutting the door quietly.  
  
Sally moved to stand beside the bed, then set her bag down on the nightstand and rummaged around in it, finally pulling out a few devices and laying them to the side. "So, Wufei, where does it hurt?"  
  
"Nowhere."  
  
"Ooookay. I believe you. Now, if you'll just get up, stretch-out, go through a kata, maybe do some push-ups, then run around the house about fifty times, I'll be on my way." Then the woman had the nerve to snicker.  
  
Wufei glared.  
  
"I'll take that as a 'no'. Let's start again. Take off your shirt." Wufei paled. That was not a good start. He preferred the first one. Why'd he have to go and screw it up? Begrudgingly, he sat up and removed his shirt.  
  
A quick and painless examination later, Wufei was finally able to put his shirt back on. "Well, aside from the abrasions, and a few shallow puncture wounds, you're fine. Though I do wonder how you managed some of those abrasions."  
  
Wufei, who was busy blushing from the lack of shirt period, and was trying to get his mind of how he got the abrasions, slipped. Big time. "Stupid Yuy. Damned self destru...uh..." He looked up. Too late. She heard.  
  
Sally's eyes went impossibly wide. Then the damned woman laughed. Hard. The Chinese pilot went back into glare mode. After a minute, Sally managed to gasp, "Sorry...sorry. Thought..every... hahahaha...everyone knew about Heero's little...," her laughter turned to snickering, "fantasy."  
  
"'Heero's little fantasy?'" Nudge, nudge.  
  
Sally had finally gained control over her laughing, and was down to the 'huge grin' phase. "Yeah. Fantasy. Pleasure and booms, ya know? It's really no big surprise. Come on, think about it. It's Heero Yuy we're talking about."  
  
Wufei's mind went off again, and for the second time in five minutes, he performed an 'open mouth, insert foot' maneuver. "Pleasure and booms," he muttered, "yeah, and really bad timing." Once again his brain kicked in just in time to not save him.  
  
Sally blinked. "Bad...timing?" Her mind turned this over for a few seconds, and then her grin took a turn towards predatory. A big turn. Like a U. "Uh-oh. This will never do!"  
  
"Never..uh..do?" Wufei stuttered, then quickly began scooting towards the corner of the bed. Sally was crawling towards him, looking like a cat. And her prey was trapped. "Damn, but this bed would have to be against the wall..." Wufei thought. He was busy calculating his escape routes, when he found himself face to face with a very hungry looking feline.  
  
"Nope. Never do. Wufei," Sally purred, as she ran her hand gently down the trapped boy's chest. "you're supposed to tell the doctor *everywhere*," Sally grinned, Wufei paled. Not chest. "it hurts."  
  
**********  
  
If you wish to review..well, gee...feel free! Also, if you hate waiting, check my website. You'll find this story (completed) under the TCC (The Crack Chronicles) section. 


	6. WYLS Just Your Standard Chase Scene

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Part 6: Just Your Standard Chase Scene  
  
"Dammit!" Wufei cursed, rubbing the side of his head. He glared at Noin, who, having other things to glare at, didn't notice. Giving up, he sighed and tried to let his mind wonder some more...it was good at that lately, and it helped keep him from concentrating on ...other things. However, his present situation kept snapping him back to the here and now. He had often admired Noin for her work ethic, her desire to "keep it real" when rehearsing, but this was the first time *he'd* been involved in the process.  
  
So, here he was, practicing for a scene he new nothing about. Noin was driving a military Jeep down a small dirt road, going..well, gods only knew how fast they were travelling. On top of that, she was doing her best to drive as if she was drunk and on speed at the same time. Well, something like that. He didn't know what the combo of drugs would do...  
  
Wufei's chain of thought was interrupted as, once again, he was thrown against the roll bar. And just why did he have to be lounging in the back seat?!  
  
"I do not understand why I can't drive!" He snarled, rubbing a new bump on his head.  
  
Noin cast a quick glance at him through the rear view window. "You're supposed to be injured, remember?"  
  
Ah. "Well, I still think I could do a better job!"  
  
"You're unconscious."  
  
Shit. "And you feel the need of waking me by driving like a maniac?"  
  
Noin slammed on the brakes. "Wufei, have you even read this scene?"  
  
Wufei blushed slightly. "Of course I have, woman!" Think quickly, think quickly..ah! "But all these knocks to the head seem to be giving me amnesia!" Good one. Yeah, right.  
  
Noin scowled. "Let me refresh your failing memory, then, Justice Boy." Great. She was pissed. Just what he needed --a raving female telling him off. Good for the headache, who needs asprin? "You were captured by Oz, and I saved your worthless ass. However, while escaping, an explosion threw you from the building, and knocked your head hard enough - somehow - to send you to lala land. Then, I had to drag your carcass to this jeep and hotwire it. That leads us to the chase scene, which your bellyaching has interrupted. *Chase* scene, Wufei. Like being chased by the enemy and dodging explosions, get it?!"  
  
Wufei blinked. Noin muttered and growled, then threw the jeep in first and took off again. As she built up speed, she decided one more taunt wouldn't hurt, "Besides... *you* can't drive a stick!"  
  
This got Wufei. Well, kind of. His mind had taken a quick trip to "lala" land when the word "enemy" had conjured mental pictures of roses and swords. So, his mouth, deciding that the brain was out to lunch, and that a retort of some kind was necessary, gladly provided one. "I can so drive a stick!"  
  
Noin stopped the jeep again. She slowly turned and stared at her passenger. Wufei, suddenly coming back to himself, blinked innocently at her, trying to figure out what was going on this time. "Wufei...was it just my imagination or did the director have to find you an automatic for that scene last week?"  
  
Well, no way out of that one. "Uh..yes...I can't drive a standard."  
  
"Ah...you can't drive a standard, but you can drive a stick. Makes perfect sense."(3) Noin suddenly giggled. "I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were a little perv!" Wufei decided his brain had been on too many vacations as of late and grasped it by it's rear quarters as it once again tried to escape. In retaliation, it lit a fire under his cheeks. Noin, not one to let details escape her, noticed the blush. She had a wicked thought. Well, she had many, but only one was pertinent to this storyline. She threw the jeep in neutral, stepped on the emergency brake, and half turned to face the obviously embarrassed pilot in the back seat. "So, Justice Boy, who's stick have you been practicing on?"  
  
Wufei mentally gave his brain a couple of wacks as it tried once again to leave him. "Woman, I don't know what you mean. Now, if there was any justice left in this world, you would just hurry up and finish the rehearsal!"  
  
"Oh, I think we have it down well enough. Besides, you know the director. He'll probably drug you to get the scene to seem more realistic." Noin rolled her eyes. She looked Wufei up and down and a strange glint entered her expression. She licked her lips. "And...I was thinking.." Her voice was sundenly husky.  
  
"Th-thinking?" Bad thing. People thinking usually ended with ...Ack! Brain leaving...  
  
"Yeah...I was thinking maybe I'd give you a," Noin paused, her eyes left Wufei's for a moment, then returned, "driving lesson."  
  
"Uhh..." Wufei's brain thought. His eyes moved to where Noin had glanced: the stick shift. Her hand was moving on it in a way he was sure was not necessary in order to shift gears. He looked back at her. "D-driving lesson?" His brain finally left as the woman nodded and began using her free hand to undo the top button on her uniform. It's last parting gift to the Gundam pilot it once so firmly occupied was, "Gee, I wonder if they have nude highways somewhere..." (4)  
  
**********  
  
3 - If you can't tell where this is going, you need help.  
  
4 - Ummm, wouldn't that be interesting? Think bugs and convertables.  
  
I welcome reviews of any sort. Once again, if you want to know what the hell WYLS stands for, check my website and go to the TCC section to find this story. 


	7. WYLS Angelic Terror and a Side of Silenc...

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including Yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Part 7: Angelic Terror and a Side of Silence  
  
Wufei trudged into the safe house, threw his duffle down and flipped off the camera in the top right corner. Gee, I wonder if they would notice he was in a mood?  
  
"Shower.." He muttered, and proceeded to the nearest bathing facility. He quickly discarded his clothing in the changing room, grabbed a wash cloth, and threw open the bathing room door. His eyes went impossibly wide, he blinked, then fell backwards, as his whole body took a trip to ... well, anywhere but reality.  
  
"Oops!" Quatre's voice sung out. Trowa merely looked at Wufei's sprawling form, then back to the blond. He shrugged.  
  
"..good idea." Wufei heard Trowa say as his mind and body were once again reuinited.  
  
"I knew you'd agree." Quatre bubbled. The sound of his voice caused a picture of a serene field to materialize in Wufei's mind. He mentally shook his head. Damn, that was distracting. He really wanted to just forgo the "I'm still out of it routine" this time, but recent experiences had left hims with the impression that even his fellow Gundam pilots could not be trusted. He quickly assessed his situation. He knew he was in the number seven safe house. He had gone to take a shower. A slight pain throbbed behind his right eye. Ok, enough of that train. Changing to current situation line. He was in a bed. A very comfortable bed, actually. Nice sheets, downy comforter, no clothes, feather pillow... SCREEEECH! went the train as it collided with the portion of his brain that had been keeping the Chinese boy immobile. His eyes flew open as he sat straight up. NO CLOTHES?!  
  
"Oh, Wufei! You're awake." Wufei ignored Quatre...well, not really. What was left of his abused mind was still stuck on the nudity revelation. He quickly lifted the blankets, looked down, hastily replaced the blankets and stared straight ahead. He tried to force his body to calm down. It was just Quatre, right? He nodded to himself and turned his head. And nearly passed out again. Yah! Just Quatre! Wearing a smile, a towel, and nothing else. He shook his head and forced his mind back to the shower incident, decided he didn't need all the facts, and returned to the present, keeping in mind he'd just had an "accident" in the shower, and that is why he and Quatre..he paused a movement behind Quatre caught his attention... and Trowa were all in this state. No other reason.  
  
"Umm..." He said.  
  
"I'm glad you're ok, Wufei. Trowa and I have been talking, see, and we decided that this next scene of ours," Quatre blushed slightly, while Trowa licked his lips, "could use a little revision. We thought you could help."  
  
"Uh...revision?" Wufei really did not know what to think. The more that passed, the more things happened, the fewer brain cells returned. He wondered if it would be possible to count them on one hand by the time this series was over. "Hey, maybe then I can retire and become an agent!" He thought.  
  
"Yah, just a small...well, it's not that bi..uh..nothing major!" Quatre finished.  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
Quatre took Wufei's response as an affirmative to his proposal, and transformed. Wufei blinked as Quatre's demeanor changed from Anglelic to Demonic. Well, a certain kind of Demonic. He didn't fear for his life, really...just...  
  
"And, I say we get started now. After all, we are," Quatre looked from Wufei to Trowa, who smiled in a disturbing sort of way, "dressed for the part."  
  
Wufei's mind was chasing it's tail. Quatre's voice had dropped and he was acting...funny. Yeah, that was the word. "Justice?" He squeaked out.  
  
"Not in this scene, Fei boy. Just a shower."  
  
Instead of totally abandoning him this time, Wufei's mind just reverted to childhood. "Clean?"  
  
Trowa smirked as he strode over to the bed. He scooped up the pilot of Shenlong and shook his head one time - negatively.  
  
***********  
  
To anyone who happened upon the bad format versions of chapters 5 & 6, I apologize. I wasn't thinking straight when I posted those (brain fried from class, I suppose). Hopefully I'll remember to reformat the rest of the chapters and check them after uploading. :) Reviews are greatly appreciated. Even short ones. ^_~ 


	8. WYLS The Day Justice Left the Scene

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Part 8: The Day Justicice Left the Scene  
  
Wufei was aware. Well, in a way. He could see nothing but a swirling blackness. But he could hear. He was surrounded by strange noises. Mostly mechanical, though there was the occaisional scuff that let him know he was not alone. Which, in his body's current condition - being strapped to some sort of table, that is - was not a good thing. Well, even if he had been alone, he wouldn't have cared for it that much. That much equalling not at all, of course. He was distracted by a strange beeping noise.  
  
"Incoming call." The voice was definitely familiar, but the Chinese boy couldn't place it. Wufei stopped trying to think of who it could be when a more familiar voice spoke.  
  
"Ah. Finally. How's it going?" That was the director! What was his name...ah, yes..Ted.  
  
"It would be going better if he'd snap out of it." A different voice. Strange.  
  
"Well, I guess that means you've made zero progress," Ted snapped.  
  
"Sir, he's been thoroughly shocked. The events of the past week have been too much for him to handle! He wasn't trained for this!" A fourth voice sounded.  
  
"Just how many people are here?" Wufei's mind wondered. Then he concentrated on the last remark. "Trained?" He thought. The scientists! All of them? That was ...weird.  
  
"Well, I'm just so sorry that the master of justice spewing can't handle a few rambunctious cast members!" Ted screamed. Then he snickered. "You guys should see the editing room floor! The stuff we've cut would give Heero Yuy a permanent drool line, that's for sure! I can't wait to release the un-rated director's cut of this series! Man, will I..we..ever be rich!"  
  
"At what cost?" That was Professor O.  
  
"He'll be fine. In fact, he damn well better be more than fine in no time if you guys want a piece of this money making action! I want him back out there doing his..thing." Wufei swore he could hear the malicious smile in Ted's voice.  
  
"I guess he could be retrained."  
  
"Sounds like a plan, G.(5) Gotta go see how the boys and girls are doing with their spontaneous script changes! Later!"  
  
"Re...trained?" Wufei thought. Oh, shit. His vision was beginning to lighten. He tried opening his eyes and found, to his amazement, he could. He blinked up at the white ceiling. Definitely some hospital or lab or something.  
  
"He's awake!" The boy suddenly found himself surrounded by five scientists. He blinked up at them.  
  
"Good," Professor O said as he checked Wufei's vitals, "we can begin the new training."  
  
Wufei, who had a pretty good idea (like chiseled in granite) of what the new training was, decided he had finally had enough. His brain might be getting weak on him, but his body was still tip top. In an inhuman show of strength that would have made Yuy wish for an explosion, Wufei broke his bonds and jumped to a standing position on the table. He glared down at the five scientists.  
  
"Justi...," He began, but something stopped him. The scientists were looking at him in an extremely familiar and disgusting manner. "Oh, hell fucking no!" He screamed, and ran from the building.  
  
"Damn." Ted flipped off the view screen and crossed the scientists off the list.  
  
***********  
  
5 - for the second time, author shoots herself... 


	9. WYLS The Author Gets It

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including yaoi (slash) and het implications)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Part 9: The Author Gets It  
  
OR  
  
Wufei Finds His Script  
  
OR  
  
The Author Inserts Herself for the  
  
Sole Purpose of Revealing What WYLS  
  
Stands For  
  
Wufei surpressed a maniacal laugh as he approached the stairs. Finally. It had taken a lot of work, mostly using the files in Ted's office, but he had finally discovered the source of his problems. He was minutes away from reclaiming his script and whatever dignity remained with it. He silently climbed the stairs and crept up to the door at the top. It was open, so he angled himself so that he could see inside.  
  
"A girl. A damn woman!" Wufei thought as he peered into the room. It was an average looking bedroom. There was a bed - a very low framed futon, an entertainment center with games, cds and videos strewn in front of it, a desk with a computer, and ... HER. She was sitting at the desk, facing away from the door.  
  
Wufei silently stepped into the room. He carefully approached the girl, but realized she was totally engrossed in typing, only occasionally breaking the constant clicking noise when she glanced down at a booklet which looked as if it had seen better days.  
  
The Chinese boy bit his lip to keep from making a noise as he realized that the booklet was his script. He looked from the script to the back of the girl's head. He smiled in a way that would have put Maxwell's Shinigami persona to shame.  
  
The sound of Wufei's sword being drawn drew the girl's attention, and she turned abruptly. The site of a Gundam pilot standing in her bedroom, weapon drawn, caused the girl to squeak.  
  
"Hello." Wufei smiled. He was going to have fun, by damn! "Karma, isn't it?"  
  
"Uh...in some circles." The girl replied. She couldn't seem to decide what was going on.  
  
"You know why I'm here, don't you Karma?" Wufei lazily looked at his sword, then back to the girl. He blinked as she looked him up and down and smiled. He'd seen that look too many times. "I don't think so, woman! Try again!"  
  
"Oh, well then, you must be here to sign up for the pissing contest off the Great Wall." 'Karma' had the audacity to smile.  
  
"Obviously, I am going to be forced to make this a bit more," Wufei swiftly brought his sword up to attack position, "serious."  
  
**  
  
Karma's eyes went wide. "Oh, shit!" She thought, as she quickly glanced about the room, trying to decide what to do. Her gaze rested briefly on the weapons rack. A baton, a whip and a sword. She jumped up and, in a stunning show of idiocy, grabbed the sword. She turned to Wufei as she unsheathed it. He was smiling. A predatory type of smile. Karma glanced at his sword, then down to the one she held, and back to his. "Bad idea," she muttered.  
  
About five seconds later Wufei proved just how bad an idea it was, as he disarmed her and knocked her flat on her ass. He kept the sword pointed at her as he leaned over and swiped his script from her desk.  
  
"Nothing to say?" He asked.  
  
"Uh...should have grabbed the whip?" Karma replied.  
  
Wufei raised his eyebrows at that comment, then looked up at the weapons rack a few feet above the girl's head. His eyes became distant and his face did it's impression of a coke can...well, a hot one, anyway. His attention was caught once again as Karma began laughing.  
  
"Woman!" He screamed in outrage.  
  
"Sorry! But after all this!" Karma let a few more chuckles escape her lips. She shook her head as she eyed the boy in front of her. "Wufei, you little slut!" (WYLS)  
  
**********  
  
Reviews appreciated...this is the final chapter, though there are 2 more parts..um...an epilogue and a special "author got really crazy" part...you'll see what I mean.  
  
Anyway, that was me in the fic...and the room was mine... and the weapons' rack exists. As for what is on it... I'll let you decide if I was lying. (though the original of this story tells you..it's at my website, though :) ) 


	10. WYLS Epilogue or Whatever Happened to Ze...

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Part 10: Epilogue  
  
OR  
  
Whatever Happened to Zechs?  
  
Meanwhile, in a dark basement...  
  
Zechs Merquise, also known as Lightning Count, and rarely referred to as Milliardo Peacecraft (he was more often called a sickengly mushy love name by another cast member who was kind enough to pay for the author's hospital bills in exchange for silence - wow, what a huge aside...you guys still know what I was talking about?)...was in a bad situation. He was strapped to a table. Usually, that wasn't a bad...uh...  
  
He was clothed in his Oz uniform, minus helmet, which was perched on his chest. It was actually quite a strange sight, from his own point of view. If he raised his head and looked down at the helmet, he stared straight into it's "eyes". At first, Zechs found himself, for lack of a better expression, creeped out by this. It felt like the damn thing was staring at him. After the first few hours, he got over it and started treating it like the object it was. After the first few days, he went bonkers and started talking to it.  
  
Zechs glanced down at his sole companion. "You know, I know you know why she did this...I bet you think the whole thing sucks just as much as I do."  
  
The Oz soldier dropped his head back. "Just because I told her the truth about her stupid plans!" He raised his head again and frantically looked into the "eyes" of the helmet. "You agree, right? He'd never betray his 'widdle snuggle bunny' by going along with her twisted plot!"  
  
***  
  
Back at the author's pad:  
  
Treize burst into the bedroom. Karma, who had been playing a video game and wasn't too happy about the interruption, glared at the offending man. She had to stop glaring and start trying not to laugh as she took in his appearance. The General of all Oz was pouting.  
  
"You promised not to tell!"  
  
"Hey! I didn't say a word!"  
  
"You tell him!" Wufei, who had been checking his e-mail, chimed in.  
  
"Shut up, slut!" Treize bellowed.  
  
Wufei stormed out of the room.  
  
"At least he stopped calling you 'dragon'!" Karma called after him.  
  
Finally....THE END  
  
'cept for the special "author is totally nuts" or something like that..part...I was totally cracked when I finished this, so I wrote outtakes to it...go to the next part if you're as deranged as I am! ;) 


	11. WYLS Outtakes

WYLS  
  
by Karma-chan  
  
THIS STORY IS RATED R - for language and adult situations. Including yaoi (slash) and het implications.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I barely own my car. Please don't sue. College students don't make good Sugar Daddies...or Mommas...or whatever. Besides, this is definitely for entertainment purposes only. I work in hell for money. Writing demented fics is fun!  
  
Warning: Reading this fic could be dangerous for your health. Especially if you attempt to do so while driving. Or something else that requires your senses to be concentrating on doing it, and not reading. Get it? Who cares! Must warn you kiddies about the language. Yep, language is used! But, I mean the "adult" type. OH, and adult situations. Implied yaoi, implied hetro. OOC, author doing origami to make things fit, and a bit of Relena bashing. If you don't like it, bite it. I mean, leave. NOW ...  
  
Now, for the really addicted...Wufei, You Little Slut (WYLS) Outtakes!  
  
Treize's Scene  
  
"Shit! I really was supposed to lose!" In his anger, he flung the script over his shoulder instead of depositing it back into the relative safety of his dimensional pocket.  
  
The script was supposed to fly out an open window, but seeing as how George, the window opening guy, had been fired when the director realized the man was being paid an ungodly amount of money to open one window, and the duty roster which had assigned the task to Duo Maxwell had been eaten by Heero Yuy when he mistakenly thought the missive was of the self destruct type, the booklet hit the closed window and bounced back, the sharp corner slamming into Wufei's head. The boy rubbed the spot. "Owwie!"  
  
Duo's Scene  
  
"Heeeeroooo! Is that you?" Duo slid around the corner and, instead of stopping in front of Wufei as he was supposed to, continue to slide, out of control, straight into the door.  
  
Wufei eyed Duo's socks, then the floor. "I think a little less wax is in order."  
  
"Ugh," Duo groaned in agreement.  
  
Relena's Scene  
  
Wufei rolled his eyes as Relena entered. He shook his head, and walked off the set, waving a hand at the director. "I'll be back in an hour."  
  
"Cut!" Relena looked over at Ted. He sighed.  
  
"Relena?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Your attire?"  
  
She looked down at her clothes. Riding jacket, riding pants, riding boots, riding crop. "Oops maybe I should have left that out," she thought. She looked back at Ted. "Yes?"  
  
"Does the word PINK mean anything to you?!" Ted screamed, gesturing to Relena's outfit - which was entirely black.  
  
Relena's eyes narrowed. The staring contest began.  
  
"Maybe if we got her a pink riding crop," a passing technician muttered.  
  
Heero's Scene  
  
Exactly six minutes and twenty-three seconds later - nothing happened. "Shit! It really is stuck!"  
  
"Woo-hoo!" Was Wufei's response.  
  
Sally Po's Scene  
  
"The Doctor is," Quatre stopped. He turned toward's the director. "Exactly what in the hell does a chirp sound like, anyway?!"  
  
"Cut!"  
  
***  
  
A bit later...  
  
***  
  
...Wufei found himself face to face with a very hungry cat. Literally. "Meow!" The cat said. Wufei sneezed. Karma ran onto the set.  
  
"Stupid Ty!" She yelled, scooping up the cat. "Sorry, Wu-man!"  
  
Sally Po just shook her head and turned back to her job. "Just freakin great!" She moaned as she took in Wufei's state. His eyes were red, puffy, and watering. (This outtake is dedicated to my cat, the real Ty, who always shows up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and meows constantly since he is too damn lazy to walk to his food bowl without someone accompanying him because it might be empty and he would need someone to put food in it)  
  
Noin's Scene  
  
"Yeah...I was thinking maybe I'd give you a," Noin paused, her eyes left Wufei's for a moment, then returned. Then her face contorted. "Eww." She looked back at her hand, and slowly removed it from the lower portion of the stick shift. "Eww." She repeated. Suddenly, she jumped from the jeep, and began shaking her hand. "Ewww! Get it off! Gross!"  
  
"Cut!" The director's attention was drawn to the left, where Duo was rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off, while clutching a small jar of vaseline.  
  
(You didn't expect the whole shooting to go without Duo's pranks, didya?)  
  
Quatre and Trowa's Scene  
  
(Quatre pops up out of nowhere): Hey, there aren't any outtakes! I'm just an acting machine.  
  
(Trowa appears out of thin air): Yay, sure. You just didn't have to chirp this time. And all I had to do was shrug, say "good idea", lick my lips, smile, pick Wufei up, and shake my head. Wow.  
  
Karma's Scene  
  
The sound of Wufei's sword being drawn drew the girl's attention, and she turned abruptly. The site of a Gundam pilot standing in her bedroom, weapon drawn, caused the girl to drool.  
  
Wufei stalked off the set, grabbed a towel, and chucked it at Karma. "Stupid fangirls."  
  
"Cut!"  
  
***  
  
Later...  
  
***  
  
"Hello." Wufei smiled. He was going to have fun, by damn! "My name is Chang Wufei. You killed my justice. Prepare to die."  
  
Karma looked at him blandly. "You know, I don't know whether to throw myself on your sword or just fall over and die laughing."  
  
"Cut!" Came the voice of Ted.  
  
The two fell on the floor, laughing their asses off. After a couple of minutes, Wufei sat up, and in his best Yuy impression said, "I always wanted to do that."  
  
Zechs' Scene, Take 1  
  
The Oz soldier dropped his head back. "Just because I told her the truth about her stupid plans!" He raised his head again and frantically looked into the "eyes" of the helmet. "You agree, right? He'd never betray his 'widdle snuggle'..his...hehehe...'widdle'...haha.. BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Cut!"  
  
"Sorry! Sorry!" Zechs laughed.  
  
Zechs' Scene, Take 42  
  
The Oz soldier dropped his head back. "Just because I told her the truth about her stupid plans!" He raised his head again and frantically looked into the "eyes" of the helmet. "You agree, right? He'd never betray his ...hehe...hahahahahhabwahahah! I can't say IT!"  
  
Ted began beating his head with his script. The assistant director, realizing his boss had lost it, stepped in. "Cut!"  
  
Noin walked up to Ted and put her hand on his back. "Don't worry, I got an idea."  
  
The director raised his eyes, looking at the woman with desperate hope. "Really?"  
  
"Sure," She held out a hand, showing the man two smile white pills, "Drug him!."  
  
Ted eyed the woman. "Why is it you always suggest that and I get blamed?"  
  
"Hey, not my fault the author decided to make me the resident drug pusher who can't claim her work!"  
  
Ok, that's all folks. Well, all of the story. For those who care, this is where I tell my reasons why. See, I read a lot of fanfiction, from many different anime shows. Well, one night I was having a Gundam Wing fest. I read several stories - some Yaoi, some het. Well, I got to thinking how there is a set "couple" group in both yaoi and het story lines that have some "romantic" or just plain sex story in it. I mean, sometimes it's a bit mixed up, but those stories generally advertise that they have unusual pairings. Then there is Wufei. The boy is tossed around from one person to the next, and used as the third wheel a lot. Especially in yaoi, but it happens in het, too. So, I was thinking about the poor boys plight, clicked on another story, featuring Wufei paired with different character than the three different characters he'd been paired with in the previous stories, and said, aloud, "Man, Wufei's really a slut." I think you can see where it went...  
  
I don't own Gundam Wing. I have no rights to use it, either. I also do not own (or have rights to): that Eve 6 song, the Paula Cole song (even if I did change one word), Bugs Bunny or Trix, Robin Hood Men in Tights, The Princess Bride...or anything else I forgot about...  
  
~Karma-chan  
  
::sniffle:: Finally finished! This thing has been my baby for over a year now. I mean, it's nothing special, and moved from strange funny to really just strange, but it has been the story I kept going back to when I couldn't think of a new story or I couldn't face my book...or homework... ^_^ 


End file.
